I missed you guys. I know I left on an awkward, non-literary note, but I’m attempting to return. Life has been crazy-hectic, but that’s the way of the world, isn’t it?
What I wanted to talk about tonight was priorities. I am one of those people who is constantly trying to make everyone happy. People pleaser. Brown noser. Call me what you may, I answer to all of them. If someone asks me to do something, I have a compulsive need to say “yes.” Ask any of my friends. I have books sitting in my inbox, waiting to be read and edited and commented upon. I have an entire forum I’m supposed to help patrol and direct. I have two jobs. I go to school full-time. I refuse to put my son in daycare because I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I have an entire house to clean, all 900 square feet of it. I have a book I’m supposed to be writing. I have church and the activities that go along with that. I cannot say “no.” It’s virtually impossible.
And, as a result, my priorities have become skewed. Instead of my family and my faith first, it is my job. Instead of my passion, it has been my duties. Instead of my future, it has become my past. It took my DH returning to work and me having to search for a baby-sitter 5 nights a week to realize just how stretched out I’d become. The things I wanted most out of life I was too exhausted to get. I have no energy to go to the park and play with M. I have no desire to clean my house. I have no desire to attempt to analyze one of my favorite authors on earth (and honestly, I have to be sick NOT to want to read Shakespeare). I loathe going to work with people who I love. When did I become such an apathetic, pathetic person? My book sits once more in the background, patiently waiting for me to return. My edits wait less patiently, demanding feedback. My family is wilting. My house is disgusting…
So, things are being cut. I know the things I want to keep a-hold of. I am making sacrifices to attain those few things I know I want. I refuse to be tied down by the “what ifs.” Today is the only thing I have control over. I will make provisions for the future, but today I will live in such a way that I am proud of what I accomplished. Before, I went through my day angry and frustrated and worn out. Now, I want to go through my day with purpose and passion.
Hopefully, I can put an excerpt from Chapter 9 of Calypso soon. I intend to have that be one of my activities I return to. My question for y’all is this: what have you taken on that’s forcing you to give up your priorities? Are you happy with your day? If not, why? Maybe my revelation will help one of you. Maybe not. Either way, I am proud that tonight I had the time to get on and write to y’all.