I’ll post quotes and snippets from Calypso here. Feel free to tell me what you think. Criticism is critical to the writing process. If you absolutely hate it, I need to know. If you love it, I need to know. 🙂 You can find the excerpts and quotes on the left side or at the bottom of the page. Enjoy!



  1. edits in caps:

    ‘I couldn’t make a sound, and I COULDN’T run out to help.’
    ‘They WERE JUST barbarians.’
    ‘He was watching me, never TAKING those freaky eyes off me.’

    Like it though. But grammer wise I think these small things would help. ^-^

  2. those are the grammatical changes i saw that i thought would flow better. my changed words are in capital letters.

    • For your first change, there’s a reason I have it as “didn’t” instead of “couldn’t.” She very well could have left the bushes and helped the people. The key is that she DIDN”T. She chose not to go out there. 🙂

      Second change, good catch. 🙂

      Third change is more of a context thing, so no biggy there. I have it as “took” because that is how her mind is currently processing. She’s panicking and running. To be completely honest, “taking” is both too correct and too long for her mind. Weird, I know. 🙂 You’ll have to read the book. 😉

      Other than the grammar, what dost thou thinkest? (Yeah, I said it…) The first few chapters aren’t exactly loaded with fun excerpts, unless you’re reading it. 🙂

  3. well the 3rd thing, i get your point, but its the structure of the sentence and parallelism that i was looking at. since watching was past tense, then took was present, it didn’t fit.

    other than that, i like. though i still can’t see them anymore….? as you reedit your story will you send them to me? i’m good at proofreading. 🙂

    • I’m only sending them to Erica at this point. It fits much better in the story, I promise. haha. When it’s completely done, I’ll send it to you. It’s undergoing some serious surgery, so hopefully everything will be fixed structurally and grammatically. 🙂

    • And the reason you can’t see them is because they’re on a different page. If you go to the bottom of the page you’ll see


      And you can click on that.

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